


3.5

by DarthVadersInhaler



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, F/M, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Dipper Pines, Trans Character, Trans Dipper Pines, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-09 00:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14705945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthVadersInhaler/pseuds/DarthVadersInhaler
Summary: Hey. It's Dipper. Listen, we don't have much time. Because the bus is going to our stop in ten minutes.Anticlimactic, I know. I guess I just want this summer to be exciting. Dare to dream. But either way, Mom and Dad want me and Mabel to 'record our summer!!!' here, so that's what I'm going to do.





	1. Tourist Trapped

**Author's Note:**

> Mabel has a new boyfriend, and he just might be the key to discovering Gravity Falls's strange secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mabel has a new boyfriend, and he might just be the key to unlock Gravity Falls's strange secrets

Ah, summer break. A time for leisure. Recreation. Takin' 'er easy, as the kids say.

That's what I expected this summer break, but fate seems to have other plans.

My name's Dipper. My sister, Mabel, is the one who wears ugly sweaters all the time, but don't tell her I said that. She's my identical twin. Yeah, yeah, I'm a man and she's a girl. Rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation, but I think I have bigger things to cover now.

For the start of summer break, our parents decided we could use some fresh air, and shipped us up north to a sleepy town called Gravity Falls, Oregon. Well, I doubt the 'fresh air' part is true. Really, I think they wanted to get rid of us for a summer, but I don't have the heart to tell Mabel.

Anyways, off we went to go live with our great-uncle Stanford Pines. More specifically, his attic. Oh boy, this is a great start.

That was sarcasm.

There's a goat on my bed. I think Mabel likes him. She tends to look on the bright side of things.

I guess I'm just having a hard time getting used to our surroundings. Our Great-Uncle Stan isn't really doing much to help. I wouldn't exactly call him 'great' anyways. Our uncle had transformed his house into a tourist trap he called the 'Mystery Shack.' The real mystery is why anyone comes.

And guess who has to work here. It really just looks like it's going to be the same boring routine all summer.

Well, bye for now, journal. Uncle Stan is calling me back to give a tour of a rock. Or a face. Or a rock. Something like that.

Why.

\---

Mabel's going through her 'boy crazy' phase. I think she's overdoing it on the crazy part. She's flirting with basically every guy she meets, so I guess I should just be glad she was grossed out by Stan (and no, I'm not giving that context).

Grunkle Stan isn't a theory conspirisist, which I guess is to be expected in that he's a big scam. I don't trust the woods, but I don't have much of a choice; he's making me go out in them to hang up scam signs for his scam job. I guess I'll just have to bewarb. Nobody ever believes anything I say. (Okay, okay, fine. I'm just procrastinating now.)

\---

Okay diary, get this. I'm out hammering the signs and what did I find? A fake tree. With a switch inside. That lead to a journal.

I'd make a joke not to get jealous, but I'm not hopping aboard that toxic masculinity train.

It's torn and weathered in a lot of places, but it's insane. It has a big '3' on the outside, so I guess I'm gonna call you journal 3.5. It's amazing! Grunkle Stan said that I was being paranoid, but according to this book, Gravity Falls has this secret dark side. Maybe you'll help me record my own discoveries and secrets. I hope the 'no one you can trust' doesn't extend to inanimate objects.

\---

I have an interesting relationship with my sister. On the one hand, she's my sister, and I love her. On the other hand, she's my sister.

She was really excited about the journal, but it turns out she couldn't stay for long because-get this-she has a boyfriend.

I know right?

And I think he's a zombie. Give me some times to consult the journal.

\---

Soos thinks he's a zombie too. I guess I should be more aware of where I read to myself, but that's not important now. What's important is that I gather evidence. After that, we can discuss whether the mailman's a werewolf.

I'm using the camera Mom and Dad gave me to me before we went. He's just plain creepy, there's no other way to put it. I don't trust him near my sister. I've seen enough.

\---

Mabel doesn't trust me.

I don't know what to do. They're going to the woods. I have a recording of his hand falling off, there's no way around it. I'm scared.

I have to go after her.

\---

Well.

That did not turn out how I expected. I was way off.

They're gnomes. Tiny suckers with tinier legs. Until they inconveniently formed an unholy giant monster using all of their bodies. TMI, but I don't wanna know the details of this creature's anatomy.

Really, I want to take credit, but it was all Mabel. She tricked them all. Pretended to get married, leaf blowed, the whole shabang. I would say I'd kick those gnome's butts, but I know Mabel can take care of herself. actually hope her next boy or girlfriend is a vampire. She deserves it.

She also, apparently, deserves a grappling hook. I doubt it'll ever come in handy, but I guess it's good to have anyways. I still prefer my hat.

If I'm going to get real for one second, Gravity Falls is nothing like I expected. I miss my parents. I'm worried about Mabel. I don't want to work (even though the red head girl is kinda cute) and summer is hot and grueling. Grunkle Stan is a bit of a hardass, and I can say that because he swears all the time. But...I think I'm going to like it here. Our Uncle told us there was nothing strange about this town, but who knows what other secrets there are to be unlocked?


	2. The Legend of the Gobblewonker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're going boating! Watch out, Loch Ness Monster.

Hellooo 3.5! I, Dipper Pines, am back for another journal entry! Today, Mabel and I are going to get a picture of the ugliest, most terrifying, old monster. Then Grunkle Stan made us delete it because it was 'bad lighting.'

Also, we're going to get a picture of a supernatural creature.

The only problem is our aforementioned Grunkle. It's 'family fun day,' which as far as this journal is concerned, centers around legal and morally unambiguous acts. This year, it's fishing.

Nothing good ever comes from fishing. It kills animals and happiness at the same time. That's why I'm writing to you instead, journal. It's not like I don't have ten freaking hours to fish anyways.

\---

I think I found another conspiracy theorist. Either that, or McGucket's just crazy.

He says there's a Gobblewonker in the lake. I think he might be talking about the Loch Ness Monster. She's cool. I've seen videos of her before. They were on YouTube, but they were totally real! 

This isn't the time to think of Nessie, though. It was memebxi6969's turn back in 2002 to shine, but now it's mine. I'm going to get a picture of that Gobblewonker, turn it in, and win the prize of one thousand dollars.

All that's left to do is convince Grunkle Stan to let us go to Scuttlebutt Island.

(Is-is that actually the name? Do I sound stupid right now?)

\---

It turns out we don't need to convince Grunkle Stan at all! When he said everyone was at the beach, I guess he really meant it. Soos turned up with an **awesome** boat. What's he doing working for Grunkle Stan when he can afford tech like this? It couldn't have been cheap.

Since, 3.5 (can I call you pointy? Poi? Eh. I'll work on it), we need to win this contest, I think we're going to need to prepare. We've gotten our sunscreen. We've gotten seventeen disposable cameras. Now I'm going to use you for what you were made for, Poi. It's time to take notes.

Creature: Gobblewonker  
Features: Long neck, breaks boats  
Habitat: Scuttlebutt Island

This isn't as fun as I thought it would be. Do you think most conspiracy theorists think taking notes are boring? Am I bringing shame to my name? I don't have time to deal with this, Poi.

\---

Twelve. We have twelve cameras.

\---

We've made it to Scuttlebutt Island. We have the remaining cameras on us. We've heard a loud noise, and it wasn't Soos's stomach. Our lantern was stolen by an unidentified rodent. 

Possible accomplice? I'll keep the journal updated.

\---

Soos and Mabel are beatboxing. I miss Grunkle Stan.

\---

Old McGucket is a piece of work, that's for sure.

I got so many good photos! I was going to win a thousand dollars and be famous! I was so excited.

There was no actual monster. Not of the Gobblewonker, at least. It was a machine. A good one at that, but still a machine. I think the whole opening hatch on top of it should have clued us in more, but I guess we all just got caught up in the excitement. 

Soos was worried. Grunkle Stan was disappointed. And Mabel? I convinced her to do this. I told her to. I gave her false expectations, and now she has to pay for my own bad decisions.

It was that crazy dude all along. In the way, it's like some twisted metaphor. He wanted to spend time with his kid, and we were so invested in him that we forgot about our own old man.

\---

We had a better time after that. We went and got Soos another shirt. We stole a hat from Blubs and Durland while they were writing sappy poetry about each other's eyes. We threw fish at Wendy's family. (Who knew such avid fishers could be afraid of fish?) 

Grunkle Stan told us a joke from his book. "My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is getting better!" Mabel laughed the most, so I guess she can have a darker humor than we know.

I guess fishing isn't that bad.


	3. Headhunters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel sculpted a life-sized wax statue. Don't ask.

Goooood morning Vietnam!

Who's up for another day in Gravity Falls? Not me, but I don't really have a choice. I hope I'll at least find something cool, like buried treasure.

Anyhow, diary, this entry is being written really early in the morning because I can't sleep (Mabel snores-don't tell her), ~~so I guess I can follow up on the whole identical twins thing.~~

Oh! Mabel's up. It's time to watch Ducktective. Apparently a new episode came out today, and Mabel's been over the moon.

I wonder if there are actually sentient ducks. I wouldn't doubt it.

\---

Am I better than a duck?

I like to think I am.

Anyhow, that's not what I'm writing about. Guess what we found?

...

...

It's a secret door full of wax statues.

I'm not implying anything, but Grunkle Stan definitely stole those. Whatever he says about his 'riches', no human being should be able to buy statues that look that lifelike.

Apparently they're all famous people from the past, so probably all lizards in disguise. Either way, they're old and gross and creepy, and they smell like old boxed mac and cheese.

Mabel wants to make another, but I don't think I've ever seen her _touch_ wax before, so it'll be a learning experience for all of us. (She bragged about keeping a hot glue gun on her sleeve, but she just knit this sweater and put it too close to her art project, so who knows if she's even going to get it off.)

\---

Something tells me Grunkle Stan won't exactly be pleased with Mabel's part-fairy-princess-part-horse-fairy-princess idea, but the waffle with big arms doesn't look much better. I will say that she's good at drawing, though. Sometimes I wish she just had, well, better things to draw. I bet she'd be good at keeping a journal if she sketched out all the creatures she met.

When Grunkle Stan came back, Mabel practically drooled. I like to hope it wasn't because of the pants situation. Either way, she's found her victim-ahem, muse.

\---

It's been hours. Ducktective has been broadcasting behind the scenes footage of the deaths caused for the purpose of the show. Right at the beginning, there's a warning: "No animals were harmed in the making of this film. People definitely were, though." That's probably not legal.

Mabel won't stop to watch, or even eat. She's just been chipping away at this-dare I say-"wax 'n' cheese" smelling old hunk. I can actually hear her stomach growling sometimes, but she soldiers on without a care for her body or mind. I hope something attacks us so she'll get snapped out of it. It's becoming kinda scary.

Grunkle Stan still hasn't found his pants. You'd think he'd own more than one pair, but I guess beggers can't be choosers. Soos offered Grunkle Stan his pants, but it turns out he has one pair, too. I've seen more flashes than I've ever wanted to see. Maybe Mabel has a point-it's better to be focused on your work than the drama of pantless old men. 

I'm sitting on a stool next to Mabel's work, and sometimes she'll stop and smile at me. I think she thinks I'm drawing her, and I almost feel bad. She's covered in paint now, and so is the statue. It looks like Grunkle Stan in a scarily accurate way. She looks about half way done with it, pulling out new hammers and chisels, paints and more, and I distinctly remember her not being allowed to pack any of her art supplies over the summer, so I have no idea where she got them.

Ducktective just revealed that the Duck is a double agent. Screw this artsy crud, I'm watching it.

\---

Grunkle Stan has had another terrible idea in his long life of terrible ideas, and this time, it's forcing us to haul up terrifying lifelike figurines of lizard people from the seventies. Apparently he's having a "Wax Museum of Mystery Grand Re-Opening," as his obnoxious sign in front of the culturally insensitive totem pole says.

I can't believe so many people showed up, but at least it gave me an excuse to hang out with Wendy. She's really cool! We worked the cash register, which charged overpriced as always. If Wendy took some for herself then, well, I don't have any obligation to say so.

Grunkle Stan made some boring speech about how awesome he was, but I feel kind of bad for Mabel. No one even cared about her sculpture when she spent so much time on it (though I do wonder about the "other fluids" part). Either way, that was the least of my problems, because apparently he lied about pizza to get the townsfolk here, and everything went to heck. 

Mostly everyone just booed and left, but Wendy's scarily buff redhead dad flipped out, and one guy definitely had a pickaxe. I wouldn't be surprised if Wendy "coincidentaly" got a raise, at the civil mention of Scary Mc Bufface Courduroy.

\---

Mabel's seriously having a bad day here. Her wax figure was just destroyed. Frankly, I think it's head must've fallen off and rolled out of sight, but if Mabel would feel better searching for it's supposed murderer, then it's the least I can do to help. (Well, technically, the least I could do would be nothing. I never really understood that phrase.)

I figured hey fake IDs would get us caught and give Mabel some form of conclusion, but some being must either really like Mabel or really hate me, because we got in. The bar is full of strong men who look like they kill puppies and stomp on rainbows for fun.

Oh dear, this was a bad idea.

\---

I've decided I don't like Dan. 

It was probably an accident. He didn't mean to call me a girl. He wouldn't if he'd known.

I wish I could go home.

\---

Suspects

Manley Dan: Right handed

Old Man McGucket: Right handed

That Fat Guy: Right handed

Angry Lady: Right handed

Mikey R.: Nonapplicable

Uncle Phil: Right handed

Susie: RIght handed

I made a list. Everyone's right handed. This is hopeless. Unless...

\---

We got our guy. Shabby shoe, left handed, motive, access, everything.

We've got Toby Determined.

How, you ask? It's simple. He was hoping the Grunkle Stan's new attraction would be the story that saved his failing newspaper. But when the show was a flop, he decided to go out and make his own...headline. But he was sloppy, and all the evidence pointed to a shabby-shoed reporter who was caught left handed.

What? What was that, Poi? I'm amazing. Oh, yeah. I know.  


\---

Nope. I am worse than a duck. It's confirmed. 

Toby Determined is innocent. Probably guilty in other gross crimes that I don't want to think about, but innocent. 

He had an alibi, and now all of my theories have crumbled to dust. Wax Stan remains unavenged.

A funeral is set to happen in half an hour. We've set up all the wax figures (who knew they could sit? The more you know, I guess) in the room and left four chairs for us in the front. I'm leaving you in my room, journal. It seems disrespectful to bring you with me. No offense, of course. I'll see you in a few hours, probably.

\---

Statues are alive. 

Well, they're cursed. They come alive when the moon is waxing, which shouldn't have been as funny as it is. I decapitated Larry King and outsmarted Sherlock Holmes, so I think I did okay.

I was right that Grunkle Stan stole them, so kudos to me! And, uh, no kudos to him. Stealing is bad.

The statues are all gone now, but I guess it's for the better. No more murderous wax and all that. 

Ugh, I'm sorry, Poi. I guess I'm just still caught up in what Dan said to me.

What did he mean? He's met me before, he's come into the shop on occasion. I told him my pronouns are he/him, Poi, I told him. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Does that mean Wendy doesn't think I'm a guy? What about Grunkle Stan? Soos? Do they think I'm a girl?

I don't know. I hate it. I'm going to go to bed, and never thinking of this again.

Goodnight, Poi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I looked it up, and 23/16 like Blubs said about the statue, is used by police to mean White Power, or white supremacy.


End file.
